POSTING BY JB MADDAWG
It’s my job as a parent to be the filter for what my children are subject to. Much like many divorced parents, I also no longer sugar coat what I think about subjects that affect my kids. Case in point, when I was married, I would look over my shoulder to check if I’ve stepped over the line when discussing parenting issues with other couples. Nowadays, when terms like “gender neutral” pop up in parenting conversation, I laugh and ask which one of the Disney princesses they plan on dressing their son as for Halloween. Trust me, divorce is highly liberating, but once again, I digress.
Since my kids are tuned into pop culture like I am, I find I constantly have to monitor not just the shows they watch, but also the commercials. Back in 2011, I saw a promo for a cartoon called The Secret Millionaire’s Club on the Hub channel and could only think that some wacko conspiracy ass was capitalizing on his sweaty dreams of the New World Order via a kid’s station that few actually watched. What I found, was far, far worse.
Enter crusty gazillionaire Warren Buffett, and his “hey, the economy is juuuuuust fine” attitude. Now, being 40 years old, I know Buffett 1)has enough money to back up any wild ass financial decision he makes and 2)is just full of shit. The guy has kept begging people to dump money into the stock market for a number of years, and simply cast an “oh well” attitude when people who lost everything in the market started eating cat food for dinner. But when your net worth is around 53 billion and change, fucking up becomes a “win some/lose some” theme for your decision-making process. Too bad thousands of couples with an income of $40k annually took his advice. Ah. It’s only money.
So, when the cat is out of the bag that you’re not as swell as advertised, what’s the next move in the playbook? Why, indoctrinating kids, of course! Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway rolled out a cartoon that would feature kids learning lessons from Buffett every episode, with less financial wizardry, more political grandstanding. Buffy schools kids on everything from lending/borrowing money, effective advertising and even how greedy representation is hurting musicians. Yeah, that’s not a joke. Let’s just say more than a few of the usual suspects described the cartoon as a great business tool for kids, and was highly educational. Uh huh. That didn’t stop the shows producers from sneaking in the fact that one of the kids “really wants to join the U.N.”. Believe me, what starts out as education sometimes has a funny way of transmogrifying into programming by the collective. Besides, if the character wants to join the U.N. go for it. Being completely useless is pretty popular right now.
Yet even Buffy, who does his own voice acting on the show, realized that an old coot like himself needed some much need street cred to launch the show. Enter rapper Jay-Z. Mr. Beyonce Knowles was gracious enough to lend his voice talents, and the show depicted him as some sort of Donald Trump knock off. Just for the record, there was also no mention of how Jay-Z laughed about the little incident where police didn’t catch him with a car full of cocaine years ago. Guess that business lesson didn’t make the director’s cut.
Needless to say, after that first stellar episode, the Hub channel wisely decided against running the show, and all following episodes would be available on the web only. It had appeared the show was dead, but much like Buffett, just keeps hanging on. New episodes keep popping up, yet none have discussed the fact that Buffett strongly desires people pay even more taxes, even though the billionaire seems to keep passing on the fact he can now just write a check to the U.S. government as a donation.
Don’t worry Buffy. I’m the patriot missile that will shoot down any of your incoming crap aimed at turning my kids into your little mindless robots. In fact, the only thing they will know of you is that you are a ginormous, self-righteous hypocrite. But I guess that title wouldn’t have sounded as well as “secret millionaire’s club”. Whatever the hell that means.
Here’s the show, I suggest forwarding to about the 18:00 mark, just to get a good laugh at Jay-Z attempting to interact with children.