POSTING BY JB MADDAWG
“O’Doyle, I’ve got a feeling your whole family is goin’ down…”
Nothing in this world makes me reflect to 1995’s Billy Madison and the now infamous O’Doyle family than the entire vomit inducing Kardashian clan. Karma, much like nature, “uh…uh….finds a way” and always seems to have a boomerang effect to cosmically lay the smack down on truly bad behavior. And for those of you keeping score at home, yes, I just made two obscure movie quotes and threw in a pro wrestling term in the first sixty words of this post, because here, you come for the info, but you stay for the awesome. However I digress.
To continue, much like the O’Doyle family after years of bullying found their family station wagon careening off a cliff due to an ill placed banana peel in the movie, I too, have a feeling that one day the Kardashians whole family is indeed, going down. Not just Kim. On Ray J.
Recently, the family K has really tempted fate by upping the imbecile ante in life’s grand poker game, and leading off the first spot, mamma Kris Jenner. Don’t be fooled by the wily last name switch, Kris was married to Robert Kardashian at one time, and as karma is not fooled by simple legalities, still views her as a Kardashian. Kris you see, has recently made it well know she is no fan of reality tv’s newest hit, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, because it sensationalizes a mother exploiting her daughter in the public eye. Feel free to compose yourself and reread that last line again. I’ll wait.
Kris, who has been accused of not only “being ok” with daughter Kim’s pornographic tape, but also suggested Kim reshoot the video because it wasn’t pretty enough, according to Kim’s ex husband Kris Humphries. Heresay, granted, but certainly not out of the realm of possibility since the whole Kardashian entertainment empire was built on that one “bow chicka bomp bow” moment. Frankly, it all boils down to one thing, Kris Jenner can’t stand child exploitation…unless she’s getting at least a 15 percent back end on it. Not just Kim’s back end, either.
If this wasn’t bad enough, on last Wednesday night, Kim and friends hopped a private plane and tweeted this gem:
Kim and gang were heading to Charlotte, NC for a DNC after party that Kim was hosting. Few things here:
- Nothing says Democratic party like consuming fossil fuels, touting your private jet and promoting a corporation such as Wendy’s.
- Who the Hell throws a political after party? Sorry, if there isn’t a beer keg with easy access, it isn’t worth attending. The “stiff o meter” had to peg out at about 8.7 that night by my calculations.
- The douche at front left looks like a staged JC Penny model that was told he wouldn’t have to actually consume the fry, just hold it suggestively and promote the brand. Afterwards, I’m sure someone doused his digits with a combination of Purel and wet naps, so he didn’t get his little girlie boy fingers all greasy. Pussy.
- By the way, the gal at front right is a blogger at the Huffington Post. I got that information from the actual Huffington Post, who wanted everyone to know that she blogs for them. Like anybody cares. Hey, I blog as well. I’m not about to get on some asshole celebrity’s jet unless it has a full bar, plenty of things to steal and flight attendants such as the ones Tony Stark staffed his plane with in Iron Man.
If this isn’t comical enough, Kim recently also “suggested” to the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce that she would appreciate her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It didn’t take tinsel town officials to shoot back this quickie:
“She has not been nominated. She is a reality star. We don’t do reality stars. She needs to get a real acting job then come to us,” a rep for the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce told Hollyscoop.
Don’t fret though, Kim. If they ever have a Walk of Plastic Saddlebags, I’m sure you’ll be golden.
The real one to suffer here is poor Bruce Jenner. His wife is a money-grubbing lunatic as are most of her kids. Couple that with a face stretched so tight you could play “Froggy Went A-Courtin'” on it, and I’m positive there will be a day that he snaps, and starts whipping javelins around Beverly Hills shouting, “I’m the number 25th all time decathlete in the world!”
As every day passes, and the Kardashians grow more and more hungry for attention, a public that watches them will slowly turn. They will be long forgotten in the sea of reality television, floating amongst the Darva Congers, Kendra Wilkinsons and Richard Hatches of the world. They will all look to us, plead for a life preserver…and we will say “no”.
Indeed, Kardashians, I’ve got a feeling your whole family is goin’ down.