POSTING BY JB MADDAWG, BIG ANGRY
Whenever you see a dual post by Big Angry and myself here on The ThrowDown, business is about to pick up. To find out how it all began, we have to travel way, way back in time to the grand old age of this past Wednesday. It was a seemingly normal morning…
I was just about to start to scan some headlines when I got an email from a pretty important contact. Apparently, certain avenues opened, the planets were all in alignment, the Mayan calendar deemed it so and we had been granted an opportunity to interview none other than Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, from The Jersey Shore fame. John Rantivius, Big Angry and myself hit our “X” buzzers quicker than three fill-in judges with Tourette’s Syndrome on America’s Got Talent. I can’t speak for my two cohorts, but frankly, I’ve been subjected to enough torture from the time when I had to interview pro wrestling’s Brutus Beefcake and pulled the plug after reminding the hulking guy that I was standing in front of him with a microphone because it was an interview. Seriously, I thought I was getting an impromptu shot at the title.
So, with us all being in agreement, we thought nothing more of it and left Sorrentino to be interviewed by someone who could be professional, and not laugh at him every four and a half minutes. That’s when Big Angry picked up on something in the email that Ranty and I hadn’t. The reason “The Situation” was doing an interview run was that he will soon be the star of his very own comic book. Yeah, go ahead, reread that last line if you have to.
Instead of riding off into the reality show sunset without a shred of dignity such as a Darva Conger or Zora Andrich, “The Situation” has instead decided that if some future alien race discovers our fair civilization, his comic book should be among the artifacts that proves what assholes we truly are. Dumbfounded was hardly the word to describe what we’d all been thinking. Who would waste paper and ink on this drek? More, importantly, what would the comic be called? That’s how it started…in the wind, nothing more than a few guys throwing around some ideas. So, we decided to have a little fun with it here at The ThrowDown, and pick the name of the “yet to be titled Mike Sorrentino comic book”. Here are our submissions, shown obviously in parenthesis, submitted for your approval:
- 14 Minutes and 30 Seconds. (Big Angry) Honestly took me a second to stare at this one before I started laughing at Angry’s text. Don’t worry, you’ll get it eventually.
- Mister Pediculicide and the Planet of the Blue Crabs. (JB) If you find that disturbing, I won’t bother to tell you the details of his costume.
- Doctor Who…Is That Asshole? (Big Angry) Proctologist by day, masked anus by night.
- Captain Beercan (JB) Because it never ceases to amaze me just who’ll buy a six-pack of dumbass.
- Cocaine and Hair Gel! (Big Angry) Apparently, Mike will have a trusty sidekick with this one, although he’s flexible and could fill both roles.
- Stupid Goombas, Unite! (JB) Because an all Italian super hero team is an awful idea. They’d have to all wear the same silk shirt, have dance battles and spend an hour telling super villains “no, Fuck Yoos”.
- Dickhead Tracy (Big Angry)This one needs no explanation. I gave up when Angry came up with this one. The clear-cut winner.
So, there you have it my comic fans. Be sure to rush out and grab a copy of The Situation’s comic debut. It’ll be sitting in stacks next to the debut of Kate Gosselin’s comic book, “Wonder Uterus”.