POSTING BY JB MADDAWG
Ah, Spring. The time of renewal, the turn of the times and the promise of things better and brighter in the upcoming year. That is, for everyone but NBC, which is run by a bunch of slack-jawed troglodytes in suits and long grey hair that think they’ve got the pulse of the people. Chief NBC entertainment boss and this year’s sacrificial puppet for the network Robert Greenblatt, was sent out recently to announce NBC would become more “comedy heavy”, which Greenblatt felt the need to actually classify some of the shows being cancelled were in fact, comedies, unbeknownst to the rest of the viewing public.
Case in point, 30 Rock will only have 13 new episodes before calling it a series next season, quite possibly because Tina Fey is getting up in age, and her sexual favors to all the execs at NBC to stay famous are pretty much old hat by now. That, or NBC has finally figured out “critically acclaimed” means pretty much nothing when a show is in the triple digit toilet of the ratings world. Yet, in a strange twist of fate, Whitney has been renewed, which both critics and viewers actually despise, but oddly enough Greenblatt went on record to call the show one of his “personal favorites”. Guess we know who shoved Tina Fey out of her spot underneath G’Blatt’s desk.
On the bubble is the Celebrity Apprentice, because there’s nothing more depressing than watching Gary Busey trying to sell Ben and Jerry’s ice cream with Marlee Matlin to a guy trying to take a leak in a New York alleyway. And the guy taking the leak was Don Trump himself.
Harry’s Law starring Kathy Bates has also gotten the pink slip, primarily because NBC hates overweight and old people. In a related story, many CBS execs have gone off the record saying Harry’s Law may have survived on their network, just to jab the gang at the peacock in the eye.
So, with all these fine (I’ll give you a moment for the laughter to subside) shows getting the axe, what have the talented minds at NBC come up with to fill the holes left by the crap that nobody watched, you ask? Well for starters, there’s the JJ Abrams vehicle, Revolution, about a group of survivors making their way in a post-apocalyptic world with no electronic devices. Sound exciting? Sure, just remember this is the genius that brought us Cloverfield, and is “really excited” about its sequel.
Also, NBC has pulled out all the stops and tried to cram Matthew Perry of Friends fame into his next failed venture titled Go On, which sounds like great advice for anyone stopping to watch more drivel. What’s wrong, David Schwimmer wasn’t available??
Since NBC is apparently out of new ideas, I’ve submitted these gems to save yet more worthless TV execs from hitting the unemployment lines. Clear your schedule to tune in for:
- Poetic Justice, with Alec Baldwin. Since he’s going to be out of work soon, I think NBC should keep Alec on the payroll with this new show. Every week, Alec would have to show up for work at an occupation set by someone he’s wronged in the past, i.e, the American Airlines flight attendant he berated on Twitter could make him clean airplane toilets, his 12-year-old daughter he referred to as a “selfish pig” could make him work at a pressed pork factory, you get the picture.
- Let’s Watch Another Network! Every week for an hour, NBC could simulcast a show from ABC, CBS or Fox. It would start with the spin of a wheel, and would showcase the best of the competitor’s stuff. Trust me, it’s better than a test pattern.
- Croc Centre, the newest of the news magazines that NBC is so proud of, airing from their illustrious building in Rockefeller Plaza. Only this time highly revered newsmen such as Brian Williams and Matt Lauer try to report the news on the run from 30 vicious crocodiles loose in the building. All the doors will be locked until the shows’ end in an hour. Live TV…always a ratings getter.
- E.R. The Next Generation. Obviously, the series would resume and follow the stories from Cook County Hospital, only 500 years in future. It worked for Star Trek, it can work here.
Obviously, these shows could be tweaked by a TV industry “professional”, and by professional, I mean someone from public access TV. I’m not in the TV game, but I have a game plan, and that’s half the battle. It certainly beats Robert Greenblatt standing up in front of the entire National Broadcast Company and saying, “I’ve got nothing…’bout you guys?”