POSTING BY JB MADDAWG
Picture it. It’s 1996, the place…Munich, Germany. Monika Moser had just lost her prized cat, Poldi. Upset and resigning herself to the fact that she would never see her pet again, Monika moved on with her life after a few months of hoping the animal would return to her. And as if in a bad Mel Gibson romance film from the 90’s, Poldi hath returned.
Described as emaciated and missing his front teeth, the now much older Poldi has given up life on the road for a quiet life back where it all began for the wayward feline. How could such a miracle take place that reunited a cat and owner, you ask? German engineering, of course.
Apparently, over in the Munich neck of the woods, its common practice to tattoo a unique identification number on the inside of a cat’s ear to make them traceable, and the folks that found the cat turned him into the local pet rescue. Yes, you read it correctly. A stamped id number. In Germany. For pets. I’m not even gonna touch this one.
The pet rescue where Poldi was placed believed the feline primarily survived in the woods, and let natural instinct guide the way. Ah, but I have other theories. I shall now recount what actually happened. Try and keep up.
- After getting his first tattoo as a youngster, Poldi couldn’t resist a taste of the wild side. At the first opportunity, he loaded up on catnip and took the 3:30 express to Grafelfing.
- Shacking up with a prostitute Russian Blue named Muldiva, Poldi frequented locales that boasted a strong indie music scene and earned cash on the side by hustling other cats in games of yarn ball chasing.
- After nearly a decade, Poldi had made a huge following as a MMA catfighter, besting many of Germany’s top ranked amateurs. Alas, a devastating paw to the face from a young Burmese knocked out the cat’s front teeth, and unfortunately forced a retirement.
- Poldi tried adjusting to the quiet life, but turned to a life of illegal narcotics and crime. Some say Poldi left life on the road by choice. Others say it was a Mafia contract. Only Poldi knows for sure.
The good news here is that Poldi was found only 20 miles from his original home. His original owner is being reunited with Poldi, as the article goes to press. It is most certainly a feel good story. One of loss, love and the spiritual journey that one must take. Against all odds, Poldi has come home, changed. To quote a line from Inglourious Basterds, “who has a message for Germany?”
Poldi…has a message for Germany. It is a message of the unsinkable feline spirit.