Poldi the Cat Returns After 16 Years on the Lam

POSTING BY JB MADDAWG

Carry on my wayward son.

Picture it.  It’s 1996, the place…Munich, Germany.  Monika Moser had just lost her prized cat, Poldi.  Upset and resigning herself to the fact that she would never see her pet again, Monika moved on with her life after a few months of hoping the animal would return to her.  And as if in a bad Mel Gibson romance film from the 90’s, Poldi hath returned.

Described as emaciated and missing his front teeth, the now much older Poldi has given up life on the road for a quiet life back where it all began for the wayward feline.  How could such a miracle take place that reunited a cat and owner, you ask?  German engineering, of course.

Apparently, over in the Munich neck of the woods, its common practice to tattoo a unique identification number on the inside of a cat’s ear to make them traceable, and the folks that found the cat turned him into the local pet rescue.  Yes, you read it correctly.  A stamped id number.  In Germany.  For pets.  I’m not even gonna touch this one.

The pet rescue where Poldi was placed believed the feline primarily survived in the woods, and let natural instinct guide the way.  Ah, but I have other theories.  I shall now recount what actually happened.  Try and keep up.

  • After getting his first tattoo as a youngster, Poldi couldn’t resist a taste of the wild side.  At the first opportunity, he loaded up on catnip and took the 3:30 express to Grafelfing.
  • Shacking up with a prostitute Russian Blue named Muldiva, Poldi frequented locales that boasted a strong indie music scene and earned cash on the side by hustling other cats in games of yarn ball chasing.
  • After nearly a decade, Poldi had made a huge following as a MMA catfighter, besting many of Germany’s top ranked amateurs.  Alas, a devastating paw to the face from a young Burmese knocked out the cat’s front teeth, and unfortunately forced a retirement.
  • Poldi tried adjusting to the quiet life, but turned to a life of illegal narcotics and crime.  Some say Poldi left life on the road by choice.  Others say it was a Mafia contract.  Only Poldi knows for sure.

The good news here is that Poldi was found only 20 miles from his original home.  His original owner is being reunited with Poldi, as the article goes to press.  It is most certainly a feel good story.  One of loss, love and the spiritual journey that one must take.  Against all odds, Poldi has come home, changed.  To quote a line from Inglourious Basterds, “who has a message for Germany?”

Poldi…has a message for Germany.  It is a message of the unsinkable feline spirit.

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3 Comments

Filed under Mishmosh Ranting, Uncategorized

3 responses to “Poldi the Cat Returns After 16 Years on the Lam

  1. free penny press

    Hilarious retelling of the life & times of Herr Poldi..
    now you did not mention if he had run out on any little Poldi’s?
    Naw, he seems the type to send a check once a month..

    this was funny!!

    • Nah. Poldi was more in the spirit of Axl Rose. Hopped a bus from Nowhere, IN. at a young age and never looked back. Although I hear he hasn’t ruled out starting a family….
      Glad you enjoyed.

  2. MEOW

    Actually, there is another twist in the tail of this story but happy it is. Poldi did find a new home 16 years ago some 25 kilometres away and has led a regular and very proper life for all these years until he got lost (again). At the time, the vet had not been able to decipher the tattoo in Poldi’s ear. His current ‘staff’ also immediately reported to the Munich pet rescue place in question when this story hit the news and Poldi – going by the name of Burli these days – was reunited with his master of the past 16 years instead of his first owner which makes sense.

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