One, Two, Three, Four…I Declare a Twitter War

POSTING BY JB MADDAWG

Twitter.  A few practical uses with heavy doses of useless mind clutter, vomited into text form.  Sure, we use Twitter here at The ThrowDown.  Not only for passing around new post updates, but also using it to micro blog about something we’re not going to write an entire post about. 

Where the tweet train comes off the track is when the celebrities on Twitter start getting all fighty with it.  This past year has seen some epic battles on the social network, Alec Baldwin v. American Airlines, Dave Grohl v. Courtney Love and Miley Cyrus v. Everyone.  Nothing wrong with a little snarky back and forth, but when rapper M.I.A. takes on journalist Anderson Cooper on Twitter, it’s just plain out of hand.  So out of hand in fact, that it 1)was a stupid fight for publicity by M.I.A.’s camp, and 2)quite a few “media” outlets actually had the stones to report the worthless happening.

Now, I’m not a celebrity, but I’ve got a lot more going on than some half-wit rapper from India whose claim to fame is giving the finger at the SuperBowl half time show.  Therefore, I will now compile a list of celebrities I am planning on prodding because quite frankly, I deserve the press.  These are the items currently up for review:

  • @Slash, stop selling things on Twitter.  No one buys things from a guy that doesn’t wear a shirt.
  • @MileyCyrus, former Disney princess, now you’re Britney v.2.0.  Keep it up, and you and Lohan can carpool.
  • @MrsSOsbourne(Sharon Osbourne)stow your opinions, lady. You’re married to a guy that eats bats.
  • @PamelaDAnderson, stop with the PETA bullshit, already.  Someone needs to spay or neuter  YOU.
  • @MrTommyLand(Tommy Lee)Something tells me Nikki Sixx has to remind you to breathe.
  • @mruff221(Mark Ruffalo)Look I’m gonna break it to you gently.  Nobody knows who the $&$% you are.
  • @tmorello(Tom Morello) I’ve got some left over Mel Bay guitar inst. books.  Clearly, you need them.
  • @OfficialAniston(Jennifer Aniston)after reading your Twitter slugline, comparing you to oatmeal makes bland breakfast food look exciting.
  • @RyanGoslingReal(Ryan Gosling)Never ceases to amaze me just who will buy a six-pack of dumbass.

Aaaaaand finally:

  • @Rustyrockets(Russell Brand)Seriously.  You look like Chewbacca’s tapeworm stricken younger brother.

That’s all I got on a Friday.  If this doesn’t work for some free publicity, I’m seriously considering lopping off and elephant tail and posing with it.  Until, next time, America.

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2 Comments

Filed under General Misbehaving, Mishmosh Ranting

2 responses to “One, Two, Three, Four…I Declare a Twitter War

  1. free penny press

    That was absolutely, hands down the funniest damn thing i have read all week..
    This should be a weekly post.. and damn poor russell just got arrested In Newq orleans now this, he may end up back on the “stuff”
    Loved this!!

    • Glad you enjoyed. I’d love to do more regular segments, but we try to keep an open schedule just in case someone famous does something cosmically stupid. Which happens pretty often.

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