Jennifer Aniston: Hollywood’s Oatmeal

POSTING BY JB MADDAWG

Jennifer Aniston. Hollywood's Invisible Woman

Oatmeal.  A bland breakfast food consisting of primarily oat groats.

Jennifer Anistion.  A bland actress primarily consisting of movies that were made for people with no opinion on anything, whatsoever.

Look, folks.  I know not every movie produced is going to turn out to be Scarface or Raiders of the Lost Ark.  Movies are made specifically with a demographic in mind, because obviously films like Caligula weren’t made for pre-teens.  The same genres of movies will always be around, i.e, action, comedies, and there will more than likely be a group of film goers that will attend said genre.

But as a performer, things aren’t so cut and dried.  A large fear of an actor/actress in Hollywood is that they will be type cast, or playing the same type of role in every movie they act in.  Enter Jennifer Aniston.  Type casting is apparently not a concern for her, as anything slightly resembling a romantic comedy has Aniston running for the casting call.  I swear, I think if a studio ran a want ad for an Aniston film, it would look like this:

“Perky, snarky and sassy female mistaken for America’s sweetheart needed to play mundane comedic ping-pong (Adam Sandler, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Evans) and have almost no chemistry with.  Partial nudity is a possibility and must be willing to color her hair for the role.  No previous experience needed.”

If I were Aniston’s agent, I’d have her stretching roles like the Human Pretzel Girl as the keynote speaker at a Pilates convention.  Guess what Jen?  No more light-hearted bullshit.  I’d make her star in the next release of Resident Evil, followed by a docudrama where she fakes everyone into believing she’s leaving the acting world for a career in hip-hop.  And to top it off?  A remake of Norma Rae, you know, so the Academy could nominate her for something.

A real underlying problem with Aniston is honestly, her off camera life.  You’ve had to live under a rock to not have heard of the Aniston/Pitt/Jolie love triangle.  Pitt cheated on Aniston.  Aniston divorced Pitt.  Jolie is a home-wrecking  Jezebel.  We get it.  That doesn’t mean we have to pay roughly $10 bucks to “support” her.  It’s time to stop linking her career to her personal life.

Yes, there is something to be said for the fact that Hollywood still doesn’t produce as many strong female lead roles as they should.  That fact doesn’t seem to stop Natalie Portman or the chick from the Harry Potter films.  That was a joke;  just seeing if you were still with me.  Seriously, at this point, I’d say it’s safe to say Aniston doesn’t want a serious role. 

Aniston fans seem to always hide behind the fact that her films make money, but truthfully, how much overhead does a film starring her have?  I’m beginning to think they don’t even tear down the sets on the studio lot.  Just change the title of the movie, insert equally boring male counterpart, add Jen, stir. 

Hey, I don’t have anything personally against Jennifer Aniston, lest we forget she was in 1993’s Leprechaun, which oddly enough, was her most out-of-the-box acting gig.  I just think it’s time to move on, and ignore her, much as the industry has done to Adam Sandler.  The bears will stop coming if we stop feeding them. 

Which in this case, would of course be oatmeal.  And even bears are reluctant to eat that crap without some brown sugar or apples in it.

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8 Comments

Filed under Mishmosh Ranting, Movies

8 responses to “Jennifer Aniston: Hollywood’s Oatmeal

  1. I am not a fan of her movies. I do think she’s gorgeous for sure. I must say she was in The Good Girl a sweet ass dark comedy. I wish she was in more movies like that one. It has the most awkward and gross sex scenes of all time. check it out!

    • I kinda liked her in Office Space, and I’ve had a few people mention The Good Girl to me before. She just seems to enjoy being in this “puppy mill” of bad romantic comedies now. She needs a role like Nicole Kidman did in “To Die For” or “Eyes Wide Shut”, just to kickstart her career.

  2. Thank you for this! Oatmeal is the perfect description! She was cute on Friends but she is not a movie star. I can only think of a small handful of movies that she starred in that were both good and successful.

    • Yep. I just don’t see how she has the acting chops to continue the lead actress gig. Only a matter of time before she’s playing the lead actress’ best friend.

  3. Jen needs to ugly herself up for a role. The Academy loves that! Maybe a unibrow, a mustache, a fat suit…I’d pay to see a fat Jennifer Anniston!

  4. Lauren

    Jennifer Aniston was amazing on friends making her a big TV show icon. Her looks inspire the next generation. Just because she may be getting a little older doesn’t mean she has lost the acting spirit. If she was not the leading actor in a movie….the movie would be interesting, but to have her as the leading actress just makes the movie spantaniouse. A perfect example is the movie “Just Go With It” there is something about her character that makes her shine.

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