Sea Lion Enraged by Blackberry, Attacks Pop Star Shakira

POSTING BY JB MADDAWG                                       

Picture it.  You’re a world-famous entertainer on holiday from the rigors of an excessive touring schedule and a dwindling fan base in scenic Cape Town, South Africa.  Trading in the glittery spandex of the stage for a swimsuit and a quiet beach, you check your Blackberry for your latest Itunes royalties and sift through the declining number of stalker emails, that used to be so much more prominent.  That’s when the sea lions show up.

Sound like a stretch (and no, I’m not referring to her usual attire)?  Well, yesterday, musical siren Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll, or as I’ll just refer to her from now on as, Shakira, got more than she bargained for on her fun in the sun getaway when some local seals and sea lions decided to crash the Columbian singer’s vacation.  She described the close encounter:

“This afternoon I happened to see some sea lions and seals. I thought to myself how cute they were so I decided to get a bit closer than all of the other tourists and went down to a rock trying to pet them doing a baby talk while taking pictures.
“Suddenly, one of them jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me. Everyone there screamed, including me. “

The recently turned 35-year-old songstress speculates that what sent the aquatic mammal into a frenzy was the fact she was trying to get a picture of it with her Blackberry, which the cuddly beast had confused for a “shiny fish”.  Or it could be the fact that the animal sensed that someone with an estimated net worth of 140 million thought her world-wide fame could quell millions of years of animal instinct, by using “baby talk”.  Hips don’t lie, Shakira.  It freaked because you were all up in his grill.

Shakira was whisked away by her brother from the animal before any contact occurred, although both were said to have scraped themselves on some sharp rocks.  So how did the damsel in distress react afterwards?

 “Now I’m off to see some penguins! I hope they are a bit more friendly!”

Sure.  Go fuck with the poor birds that can’t fly away.  Hey, I’ve got a novel idea…how about we just appreciate the wildlife from afar?  I mean really, shouldn’t famous folk have learned an important lesson from the Hayden Panettiere/dolphin fiasco?  These creatures are called wildlife for a pretty good reason, i.e., they’re wild. 

My ultimate suggestion is that the über famous should take a que from normal people and if a photo-op with all creatures great and small is necessary, go to a preserve, zoo, whatever.  And by the way, all of us at The ThrowDown exclusively use Apple products in these situations.  Their products are known as media devices, and can no way, shape or form be confused with “shiny fish”. 

Now, let’s all hope that Chris Brown tries this stunt with a mountain lion for next Valentine’s Day.

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3 Comments

Filed under Mishmosh Ranting, Music

3 responses to “Sea Lion Enraged by Blackberry, Attacks Pop Star Shakira

  1. This story definitely got lost in the shuffle with all the other stuff going on this week (Whitney, Grammys, etc). I’m glad Shakira isn’t hurt but this is HILARIOUS.

    • Absolutely. She only suffered a bruised ego, so I thought it was fair game to have a laugh at. Let’s face it, sea lion attacks are just too few and far between to pass up.

  2. Mario

    I wouldn’t expect anything else from Shakira, her songs are nonsense, her lyrics are pure trash and that people follow her that is beyond my understanding. Shakira is a complete Luftkopf!

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