Van Halen Announces the “We’re Broke” Tour, 2012

POSTING BY JB MADDAWG

Van Halen...Don't bury them. They're not dead yet.

Some things just don’t go away quietly.  Locusts, the gout, anyone named Kardashian.  Though, I must admit, when I heard that aged(that’s nice talk, for really, really old) rock icons Van Halen were going back out on the road, I was even a bit surprised. 

Some aging rock bands do so without any drama, recording new material, touring and basically well, act like musicians.  Not the boys over at VH, though.  No, there the maniacal evil supervillain, Eddie Van Halen rules with an iron fist, drinks like an Irish dockworker with cottonmouth and basically berates anyone that works with him, except his relatives. 

The band’s roster currently appears as Eddie Van Halen on guitar, Alex Van Halen(Eddie’s brother) on drums, Wolfgang(Eddie’s son)playing bass guitar and back with the band, David Lee Roth on vocals, for the third time in his career.  Lee Roth has apparently been back with the band that made him famous since 2006, although, no one noticed.  This may be because the group hasn’t released any new material since 2004, when former front man Sammy Hagar returned for three new songs on the “Best of Both Worlds” compilation.  Confused?  Don’t worry.  So are the members of Van Halen.

Eddie can’t seem to make up his mind just who he wants to work with less, Lee Roth or Hagar.  Then, add to the mix that the group’s bassist since 1972, Michael Anthony, was told by Eddie to “go do whatever [he] wants now”, and given a pink slip, obviously, so Eddie could take on his son as the bassist.   Now, after six years of supposedly getting a band roster together, and Eddie finally out of rehab for the moment, word has been given the band will go officially on tour in 2012, with tickets going on sale starting on Jan. 10th.

This tour is rumored to be a precursor to the band releasing its first all originals album since 1998’s “Van Halen III”.  The new album is being described as in the final mastering stage, and could be released in the first quarter of 2012 by Interscope Records, which signed the band in November of 2011.  Although no official word has been given, many fans are citing the new albums name as “Collective Sigh”. 

So, what will the new tour bring?  More than likely fights, rehab, health issues and drama.  It’s anyone’s guess if the band will actually complete this tour or release the new album, but stranger things have happened, ala Guns N Roses mess with the “Use Your Illusion” albums of the early 1990’s.  Also, speculation is Eddie Van Halen will get more free publicity for his Wolfgang model guitar, now redesigned for a third time and contractually now picked up by Fender.  Reports have the new instrument including six strings and paint.  Seriously, no one bought the first two inceptions of the stringed junkpile, and Eddie who once said of his design, hoped that “it would be as popular as the Les Paul someday”.  Fat chance, Edward.  Stick to designing tennis shoes and lunch boxes.

If you’re looking for one of my famous and bold predictions, I’m giving the tour three months, tops.  As for the album, who knows?  Eddie Van Halen has become such a random and unfocused guy, he may even run for Congress before it’s all over.  That may be a good thing.  At this stage in the band’s life, VH is more likely to perform a rousing rendition of “Sleep the Night Away”.

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11 Comments

Filed under Mishmosh Ranting, Music

11 responses to “Van Halen Announces the “We’re Broke” Tour, 2012

  1. Who the fat kid? He looks like Rosie O’Donnel, I would hate to be a boy that looks like a lesbian…sucks

  2. Oh oh and nice lord of the dance jacket.

  3. I loved Van Halen as a kid, but I don’t know what audience they think they’re going to be playing to. I’m worried that they’ll come off like the hot guy you did in high school that you want no part of at the reunion because he hasn’t changed. It breaks my heart to say this but…the dead should stay dead.

    • Yep…I loved em too, but 40 years makes a band a bit stale. And I’ll paint you a picture as to the audience…mullets and Zubaz.

      • I saw a few of those dudes wandering around and muttering to themselves at Mayhem last August. Sad sight indeed.

      • I know. When I did the interviews for The ThrowDown over the summer, I noticed pro wrestlers all dress that way, also. I thought I’d stumbled onto a Twisted Sister convention. Alas, better than Stryper!

      • Holy crap Stryper. I remember asking for GNR’s APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION for Christmas only to have my step-mother take one look at the infamous album cover and buy me STRYPER instead. I’m still pissed over that. Those album covers are worth money now, damnit.

      • Stryper. I heard one song, titled something like “HE has risen!”, and I had to throw on an Anthrax album just to decompress.

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