POSTING BY JB MADDAWG
Last time, my little T Downers, we reviewed a few flicks in the upcoming year that Hollywood is releasing for your approval. Some of those films are big budget movies, designed to wow viewers with special effects, and others…let’s just say some are purely being made to part you from a few hard-earned frog skins. I love going to the movies, and always have, but I just can’t wrap my brain around throwing away money that I don’t believe Tinseltown has truly, or even attempted, to earn.
Before we begin with part II of upcoming releases, go ahead, do yourself a favor and check in with the 2012 Movie Guide Part I. Don’t worry…I’ll wait.
Done already? Alright then. Let’s have a genuine Throwdown look-see at more films slated for 2012. Maybe something will stand out.
Prometheus, June 8, 2012, Sci-fi/Horror, starring Charlize Theron. Ridley Scott returns to attempt what many are calling a “true prequel to 1979’s, Alien”. There has been so much wild speculation over this film, it’s hard to pin the studio down to if it is/is not part of the Alien franchise. I make bold predictions, and I’ll say it right here. This will be an Alien prequel. The studio is merely trying to throw folks off the track, or risk having it compared to the Aliens vs. Predators line of movies. This film will center around a ship’s crew awakened by a distress signal. The crew finds out, too late, the signal is meant as a warning. And yes, true Alien fans…Scott has said we will indeed learn the story of the “Space Jockey”, or the giant skeleton seated in a contraption, seen way back when. If you are of the age to remember really how terrifying and dark Alien was, this film appears to be a cinematographer’s dream. Hopefully, it won’t disappoint. I say, SEE IT.
The Amazing Spider Man, July 3, 2012, Action, starring Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone. The work was originally supposed to be Spider Man 4, but director Sam Raimi felt he couldn’t complete a decent film with Sony’s deadline. So, we get THIS. Pile. Of. Crap. Sony claims it’s “rebooting!” Peter Parker in his high school years, and will take the film in a different direction. That’s movie studio talk for “let’s see if the public will buy this repackaged two-hour colonoscopy captured on film”. I know all the kids will take their allowance money to see Spider Man (shot in huge chunks of first-person, no less), but I truly hope Sony takes one in the tailpipe for vomiting out drek. IGNORE IT. COMPLETELY.
The Dark Knight Rises, July 20, 2012, Action, starring Christian Bale, Anne Hathaway and Tom Hardy. Yep. Batman. Again. Hopefully, Warner Bros. will roll with the success of the last two films, and continue with a dark and mysterious feel. The first Batman franchise hit the skids when Joel Schumacher came on board and concentrated on things like the Batsuit having pronounced nipples. This film should be the darling of the 2012 box office, IF, the studio sticks with what’s already worked. Need a bit more info? Ok, Hathaway will be Catwoman, Hardy will be Bane, and no, Harvey Dent will not return. Get over it, and…GO SEE IT!
Argo, September 14, 2012, Drama/Comedy/Political, starring Ben Affleck, John Goodman and Alan Arkin. Based on a magazine article, the plot revolves around the 1979 hostage crisis in Iran, with the C.I.A. using a fake movie project to smuggle out Americans trapped in-country. Another possible sleeper. The hostage crisis has been relatively untouched by Hollywood, and this may be the real world storytelling the box office will need in the Fall. SEE IT.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part II, November 16, 2012, Whatever, starring who cares. I can’t believe I even included this. Here’s a summary I once saw over the entire series, “a mentally challenged girl has to choose between bestiality and necrophilia”. I think that about sums it up. JUST IGNORE IT, MAYBE IT WILL GO AWAY.
Lincoln, December TBA, 2012, Historical Drama, starring Daniel Day-Lewis and Sally Field. Based on biography, “Team of Rivals” by Doris Kearns Goodwin, this historical piece will depict the famous American President and his cabinet dealing with the struggles of abolition and the Civil War. Directed by Steven Spielberg, so, chances are it’ll be a contender for Best Picture of 2012. SEE IT.
World War Z, December 12, 2012, Action/Sci-Fi, starring Brad Pitt. A United Nations representative looks into the aftermath of a global war that involved a zombie apocalypse, and destroyed every country. Sure zombies are hot now, but will they be in more than a year? Chances are, war and zombies are always a topic that people gravitate towards, throw in eye-candy Pitt for the ladies, and you’ve got box office gold. The only problem could be if the film is released as PG-13. That’s not a movie killer, but it may make things a bit more complicated, you know, ’cause of the zombies. We’ll see. As compelling as it sounds, I’d say WAIT FOR DVD.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, December 14, 2012, starring Ian McKellen, Hugo Weaving and Martin Freeman. The long-awaited Lord of the Rings prequel, The Hobbit will actually be a two-part film, released one year apart, just like the LOTR trilogy. Peter Jackson returns as the director of the film, and with a budget of almost $200 million per movie, chances are this project will not only be a blockbuster, but a contender in the Best Picture category. SEE IT.
The Great Gatsby, December 25, 2012, Drama/Adaptation starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire and Isla Fisher, based on the classic novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald, the film will follow the book and depict the characters and their relationships in the roaring twenties on Long Island. I’d be fine with that, but the film is being shot…in 3D. You know, just in case Jay Gatsby has a rousing scene where he does the Charleston and offs a flapper. Who knows, being that Baz Luhrmann (Moulin Rouge)is directing. WAIT FOR DVD.
Now, obviously I’ve left many films due for release out of this post, due to space and time constraints. Movies like Dredd, which is just a remake of Judge Dredd, Here Comes the Boom, a comedy featuring Kevin James as an MMA fighter, and the strange story of James Bond 23, which has no title yet, and may not be made at all due to MGM filing for bankruptcy.
Some of this info is subject to change before the actual release of these films, but for the most part, things will remain, as is. So plan your next year of viewing wisely. Your cold hard cash, and what Hollywood continues to produce, depends on it.