Two years ago, right around this time, my life fell apart.  Not just derailed, changed direction or hit a speed bump.  Fell apart.  Between February and May, I would slowly lose almost everything.  Wife, house, a friend and pretty much everything I’d worked hard for.  Even a full court press would be put on my daughter to slowly let go of me.  Here’s the awful thing…I didn’t cheat, drink, do drugs, abuse anyone or got to jail.  The only thing I was guilty of was becoming complacent in my marriage.  For that, I was for lack of a better term, gas-lighted.  It is a process to slowly break down a spouse, with the goal to drive your mate out of the house, and possibly, out of their minds.  They have full pamphlets on the subject at many women’s abuse centers, but for males, no such support exists.  We are just expected to tough it out.

When I couldn’t handle it anymore, the last night I would ever occupy my home, I shook a diamond necklace at my ex-wife and spat out, “you do not deserve to wear this anymore”.  The necklace was a Christmas gift for my wife, and apparently was going to be a parting gift for herself while she schemed.  I viewed it as a symbol of how my wife truly viewed me…just a paycheck with no emotional tie.  It was the only thing of value I would have as I moved back into my parent’s home, in my late thirties.

What does this have to do with an entertainment based blog I created?  Everything.  This blog represents everything about me.  It has been widely popular, forgotten about, reborn and rebuilt even better than before.  It is me.  And the two friends that blog here with me, Big Angry and John Rantavius, not only helped this blog, but also were directly responsible for rebuilding me.

John Rantavius was the man that sprung the idea.  He encouraged me to restart the page, and retool it with his technical ideas…bigger, faster and stronger.  Kind of like “The Six Million Dollar Man”, without the slo-mo and 70′s music.  He gave me his old iPhone, because he wanted me to be easier to reach.  He’s a grouch, unreasonable and would have everyone believe he has no soul.  That’s why he has me share his table with his family at Thanksgiving every year.  You be the judge.

“Big Angry” Jay Richards is funny.  I was the one that nicknamed him that, and even he doesn’t realize the real reason.  Upon hearing some of the atrocities my wife subjected me to, on Father’s Day no less, Jay proclaimed “he was angry enough for a road trip to visit my ex”, just to set a few facts straight.  Jay is actually a calm, well-read guy…but piss him off, and he will easily common sense someone to death. While many people attend a church and see themselves as walking a path to God, Jay Richards does neither of these things.  And in my opinion, he doesn’t need to.  I’ve seen an entire congregations that could learn a lesson from Jay, and I look forward to watching him turn into a jaded old man.  Just kidding, big guy.

As for me, at my lowest point a couple of years ago, I hugged my daughter and told her that everything would be alright, when I wasn’t sure myself.  I knew if I retreated from life, it was over for me.  Instead, two years later, I found myself chatting with Mimi Rogers about the film industry, and about to head home to my own apartment, complete with all that stuff that I used to value.   Yes, my little girl, everything is alright.  In fact, things are better than they have been for a very long time.

I kept the necklace for you, because  you refused to “just give up” on me for no good reason.  I cannot wait for that day, when I  present it to you.

Thank you all so much for continuing to read The ThrowDown.  We are back, and plan on 2012 being our best year of all.

2012.  The end of civilization as we know it, if one is to listen to Mayan prognosticators.  Uh huh.  These are the same brilliant minds that couldn’t conceive the idea of  full body clothing and indoor plumbing, mind you.  No, reader, I’m afraid 2012 will be marked by other less intellectual events.  You see, while all the other kiss ass journalists and bottom feeding entertainment bloggers focus on the useless garbage such as who got divorced, and who’s come out of the closet in the past year, I’ve decided to give you the good stuff.  Predictions you can sink your teeth into.  So, here’s what’s on tap for the next year in pop culture headlines….

• Gary Oldman will finally win a Best Actor at the 2012 Oscars, remarking, “it’s about damn time.  Didn’t any of you a holes catch my performance in “The Fifth Element”?
• Miley Cyrus will crash her Mercedes, get thrown in jail for possession, slap a cop, shave her head in jail, get a tattoo of Judge Reinhold on her back and join the female offshoot of the Crips.  All on a Tuesday.   
• Alec Baldwin will still be a jackass.
• Much like the movie “Candyman”, NBC news anchor Brian Williams will overuse the name “Rockefeller” five times in a broadcast, conjuring the ghost of legendary Standard Oil founder John D. Rockefeller, who’s poltergeist will lay waste to everyone in the building.  Including the cast of “30 Rock”.
• Scientists will discover that Adam Sandler, indeed, has no talent whatsoever.
• The summer fill-in hit of the television season will be “Celebrity Running Man”, based on the 80′s action film.  Washed up celebrities determined to be on reality television(i.e., Gary Busey, Lisa Rinna) will be air dropped into a hostile environment where former pro wrestlers hunt them for sport.  Escapees get to live, and a four-year deal for the New Hollywood Squares.
• Kristen Stewart will have a tribal design inked on the left side of her face, and announce she’s officially changing her name to “The Girl With the Mike Tyson Tattoo”.
• British author J.K. Rowling will unleash yet another useless after the fact tidbit about Harry Potter, (“Did I mention Dumbledore was gay?”  “Did I tell you I almost killed off Ron Weasley?”) citing Harry was actually a 22-year-old smack addict living in a false reality under the Rikers Island Bridge in Queens, NY.
• Documentation will prove once and for all that actor Nicolas Cage is indeed a 200-year-old vampire named Lothario.  He’ll comment that he’s a “closet fan” of the Twilight films, cite O negative as his favorite beverage and mention he once overdosed after accidentally biting singer Ozzy Osbourne.
• 2012 will see most of the general public still not knowing who Mark Ruffalo is.
• Sequel to the 1998 best seller, “Who Moved My Cheese”, will be yet another motivational win with “Goldman Sachs Stole All the Cheese.  Eat Something Else.”
• George Lucas will re-re-re release the original Star Wars trilogy, only as a musical.  On ice.  With no intermission.
• AMC will cancel its former hit show “The Walking Dead”, citing that it really was just a “Green Acres” remake with dead people.  And no Arnold the Pig.
• In a related story, AMC will also cancel its new railroad drama “Hell on Wheels”, citing that it really was just “Thomas and Friends” without all the colorful steam engines and the guy that used to be on Star Trek: The Next Generation thrown in.
• Rock group Van Halen’s comeback tour will be a bust, largely because most of the band goes to bed at 4:30 in the afternoon.
• And finally…Jesus will return and tell Tim Tebow, “Hey, stop it, already.  I’m a Jets fan.”

Ah, interesting times, ahead.  Just remember ThrowDown readers, as my mentor, the late, great Dicky Fox used to say, “roll with the punches”.  Thanks for reading The Throwdown, and all our best to you in the upcoming year.

Van Halen...Don't bury them. They're not dead yet.

Some things just don’t go away quietly.  Locusts, the gout, anyone named Kardashian.  Though, I must admit, when I heard that aged(that’s nice talk, for really, really old) rock icons Van Halen were going back out on the road, I was even a bit surprised. 

Some aging rock bands do so without any drama, recording new material, touring and basically well, act like musicians.  Not the boys over at VH, though.  No, there the maniacal evil supervillain, Eddie Van Halen rules with an iron fist, drinks like an Irish dockworker with cottonmouth and basically berates anyone that works with him, except his relatives. 

The band’s roster currently appears as Eddie Van Halen on guitar, Alex Van Halen(Eddie’s brother) on drums, Wolfgang(Eddie’s son)playing bass guitar and back with the band, David Lee Roth on vocals, for the third time in his career.  Lee Roth has apparently been back with the band that made him famous since 2006, although, no one noticed.  This may be because the group hasn’t released any new material since 2004, when former front man Sammy Hagar returned for three new songs on the “Best of Both Worlds” compilation.  Confused?  Don’t worry.  So are the members of Van Halen.

Eddie can’t seem to make up his mind just who he wants to work with less, Lee Roth or Hagar.  Then, add to the mix that the group’s bassist since 1972, Michael Anthony, was told by Eddie to “go do whatever [he] wants now”, and given a pink slip, obviously, so Eddie could take on his son as the bassist.   Now, after six years of supposedly getting a band roster together, and Eddie finally out of rehab for the moment, word has been given the band will go officially on tour in 2012, with tickets going on sale starting on Jan. 10th.

This tour is rumored to be a precursor to the band releasing its first all originals album since 1998′s “Van Halen III”.  The new album is being described as in the final mastering stage, and could be released in the first quarter of 2012 by Interscope Records, which signed the band in November of 2011.  Although no official word has been given, many fans are citing the new albums name as “Collective Sigh”. 

So, what will the new tour bring?  More than likely fights, rehab, health issues and drama.  It’s anyone’s guess if the band will actually complete this tour or release the new album, but stranger things have happened, ala Guns N Roses mess with the “Use Your Illusion” albums of the early 1990′s.  Also, speculation is Eddie Van Halen will get more free publicity for his Wolfgang model guitar, now redesigned for a third time and contractually now picked up by Fender.  Reports have the new instrument including six strings and paint.  Seriously, no one bought the first two inceptions of the stringed junkpile, and Eddie who once said of his design, hoped that “it would be as popular as the Les Paul someday”.  Fat chance, Edward.  Stick to designing tennis shoes and lunch boxes.

If you’re looking for one of my famous and bold predictions, I’m giving the tour three months, tops.  As for the album, who knows?  Eddie Van Halen has become such a random and unfocused guy, he may even run for Congress before it’s all over.  That may be a good thing.  At this stage in the band’s life, VH is more likely to perform a rousing rendition of “Sleep the Night Away”.

There’s no dressing this one up.  I usually come up with a decent lead in paragraph for what you’re about to read, but this time I’ll let the title speak for itself.  With no apologies, I offer…the top ten signs you’re a pretentious dick.

#10.  You brag to others that you play chess.  Seriously, nobody gives a shit.  It’s a game.  You can dress it up all you want by saying “it requires strategy and thought”.  So does Zombies vs. Plants.  Get the fuck over yourself.

#9.  You reference classic literature and/or writers.  Again, nobody gives a shit.  Unless you wrote “Pride and Prejudice”, it’s not impressing anybody.  Just start quoting anything from “The Great Gatsby” at a social event and watch people walk away from you in droves.

#8.  You correct others’ grammar.  This seems to be a new one, as many of the younger crowd love to call other people out on grammar or spelling.  Stop it.  You’re making an ass out of yourself, and a social misfit at the same time.  There’s a reason most English professors don’t go out much.  Get the hint.

#7.  You spout conspiracy theories.  Honestly, not cool.  Not only are you being the paranoid weirdo in the room, but you look like an idiot by saying things like “9-11 was an inside job because you can’t melt steel!”.  All you’re proving is that your dumb ass has never heard of a forge.  Until then, keep trying to prove that there’s a New World Order, freak.

#6.  You have a dissenting opinion on everything.  From government to religion to the secret formula for Coke, you’re the dipshit that always has to have an argument.  People were trolls long before the internet came about.  They usually butted in to decent conversations with shit like, “I disagree.  I play chess, read Kipling and took five credit hours of pre-Law.”  Again, pick up a hint when people start walking away from you.

#5.  You rattle on about how wonderful YOUR country is.  Again, seriously, we’re all laughing at you.  If it’s such a land of milk and honey, maybe you should haul your miserable ass back there.  Here in America, it’s considered rude, and trust me, we could list plenty of things that are wrong with YOUR country.

#4.  You brag about your child’s job.  This one’s for the older crowd.  Pride in your child is fine.  Going on for twenty minutes about little Reginald being the chief spin doctor for whatever, isn’t.  Trust me, someone listening is gonna remember when Reginald was 15 and got caught playing with himself next to girls’ locker room.  And they WILL bring it up.

#3.  You brag to others that you play golf.  Just like the chess entry.  If you’re that good at a recreational sport, then contact the U.S. Open and try to qualify.  Otherwise, STFU.

#2.  You drop coffee references.  This is really becoming a problem.  It all started in California, and now every asshole thinks that sipping a latte in Starbucks or Barnes and Noble makes them better than the average pleb.  You really want to be cutting edge?  Go to a Starbucks and order coffee flavored coffee.  People will piss their Dockers and pantsuits.

#1.  You write a blog and call others pretentious dicks.  What?  You think I’m that pretentious that I can’t take a shot at myself?  It’s easy to spout off what you find pretentious.  Usually in those moments where I judge most of the world as a bunch of phonies, I catch a glimpse of myself and realize I’m an ass as well, for being an opinionated jackhole.  But, it’s all worth it if you, the reader, knows someone who could fit in this list.  I know, personally, my ex father-in-law qualifies for at least four of ‘em.

Merry Christmas, goodwill towards men, and all that stuff.

Something I’ve never touched on here at The ThrowDown is the fact that I’ve always been a big fan of the James Bond films.  Flashy cars, crazy gadgets, gun fights and loose women.  Let’s face it, there’s a reason the series has been around since the 60′s, almost everybody loves a good spy flick now and again.  The problem is, when you have a run of movies that spans five or six decades, the actor that plays Bond is going to get a bit, uh, long in the tooth, eventually.  As a producer of Bond films, one would have to always be on the lookout for the BBB.  Bigger, better, Bond.

If you at home are keeping score, there have been a total of six actors to OFFICIALLY play James Bond (the original “Casino Royale” isn’t counted as part of the arc, so get over it.)  So, if whether you’re new to the Bond flicks, or an old pro, I’ve decided to compile a list of all the Bonds, and rank them accordingly.  If you disagree, that’s ok.  You’re wrong.  If you want to debate Bond movies with a guy that knows that supervillain, Blofeld once offered James Bond a “delicatessen in stainless steel”, in trade for his life, or the fact the boat jump in “Live and Let Die” was one of the longest in history, go right ahead.  Yeah, I got creds.

So, without further prattle, here is THE list of James Bonds, starting for worst to best:

#6. George Lazenby (1 film)

When you play Bond and only can make it happen one time, somethings terribly wrong.  In 1969, United Artists offered Lazenby  no less than a seven film deal, totaling around $28 million dollars. In case you didn’t read that right, go back and check it.  That was a monster deal back in those days.  So what happened?  Lazenby and his agent found the contract so draconian, with all sorts of stipulations the actor would have to agree to, that they countered with $35 million.  UA, balked, tried to resign Lazenby for a return in “Diamonds are Forever” and that also, fell through, leading to a one film return for Sean Connery.  My question is, what the Hell did anyone see in this guy?  He was disjointed in the film, and constantly seemed out-of-place.  The true reason that Lazenby comes in last though is, there is only one film to judge him on.  Fans will never know if he would have grown into the role, eventually.

#5.  Timothy Dalton (2 films)

You really have to wonder if a guy that had to be asked to play Bond four times is the right choice for the genre.  Dalton would have occupied the last spot on my list, if Lazenby would have done more than one film.  Dalton was a man who went back to reread the Ian Fleming novels for inspiration, and tried too hard to translate it to film.  He was dark, edgy and always had an underlying anger attached to his role.  His overacting didn’t help the fact the two films he was in (“The Living Daylights”, “License to Kill”) were spat out by the studios just to keep the series alive.  Roger Moore had stepped down, and the studio was actually eyeing someone else for the role, who we will come to later.  As for Dalton, he left two films that don’t seem to fit in the overall scheme.

#4. Daniel Craig(2 films and more to come)

The previous two Bonds have to be pretty bad, if I’m awarding the four spot to Daniel Craig.  Although it may not be his fault entirely, the Bond films came to a screeching halt when Craig came aboard.  He’s pocket fluff.  Hired to look strapping in a mankini, blond-haired and pensive, Craig would have been better to be cast as a near retirement Jason Bourne or some other random field agent that gets into trouble.  Not, James Bond.  Die hard fans of the films will disagree, of course, but I’m a bit more subjective to someone the studio puts a Walther PPK and tux and calls “Bond”.  Sorry, Daniel.  Just like Dalton, you’re a transitional Bond.  Spackling the cracks of super-spydom until we find a real Bond.  And no, I don’t care if he’s critically acclaimed.  So is the play “Cats”.

#3.  Roger Moore (7 films)

This is where I’m gonna catch Hell.  Roger Moore played a snarky, humorous Bond and one that I always found charismatic. Moore had an appeal that none of the other actors seemed to be able to produce.  If one wants to bash anything from the Moore days, it’s the scripts.  There were many goofy and down right ridiculous moments in his run, but overall, it’s the “like” factor at play.  Although his interpretation may make fans groan at times, there’s a reason Moore’s Bond brought in huge figures, he was a Bond that always had it under control, even when there was a seven-foot guy with metal teeth chasing him.

#2.  Sean Connery (6 films, “Never Say Never Again was not an official Bond film)

Sean Connery isn’t the number ONE Bond?  WHAT?!?  No.  Get over it.  Connery was the best Bond, until the new number one came along.  Connery was gritty, a man that men wanted to be like, and women just plain wanted.  He was the epitome of coolness, always ready to put his martini down on a napkin to take a shot at some thug.  He was a white jacket Bond, able to pull off a look and feel that none of the other actors truly can.  So, why then at number two?  Because he looked like an IRS agent more than a spy.  For some reason, he always had an old Bond feel to me, like someone who was a part-time agent, in between rounds of golf or getting dinner at 4 pm.  This may enrage the Bond purists, and I hear the argument over and over that Connery was the first Bond.  That makes him the best?  Ford rolled out the Model T as the first automobile, also, and there have been a few improvements, since.  I think Sir Connery was the best for his time, that’s all.

AND, #1.  Pierce Brosnan (4 films)

Honestly, he’s Bond’s Greatest Hits.  Suave, nerves of steel, humorous and most importantly, the most comfortable appearing Bond.  Call it his experience as “Remington Steele” on television, but Brosnan was a natural.  So versatile, he could be plugged in as Bond in almost any of the Bond adventures, and look well-placed.  Again, Connery and Brosnan battle it out for the best Bonds, but Connery never gave me the impression he could pull off Bond in any plot.  I can see Brosnan portraying Bond in “Goldfinger”.  I can’t say the same for Connery in “The World is Not Enough” or even “Goldeneye”.  Brosnan’s reign would have come sooner, had it not been for his television contract…luckily, when those obligations ended, Brosnan was given the green light and brought the titles back to respect.

That’s it, Bond fans.  That’s the list, and even though there have been several rough patches, here’s hoping the Bond films will continue.  After all, no  series has come close to running as long as the Bond films, and probably never will.

And the name is Maddawg.  JB Maddawg.

"America's Got Talent" hires Howard Stern

As we reported before even many credible news sources(yes, they should be ashamed being beaten to the punch by three bloggers out of nowhere), and we’re doing it once again by reporting that Howard Stern has officially signed to be the next judge on “America’s Got Talent’.  Although the terms of the contract are still unknown, Stern will be travelling around the U.S. to judge the talent, since it was first reported that the shock jock would only join if the show stayed in New York.

Executive producer of the show Simon Cowell had tipped his hat several times to the addition, and was putting the full court press on NBC to sign Stern.  The network has always been suspect for signing lesser than quality celebrities in this format of television show, but this time, the fans of Stern and “America’s Got Talent” are both winners.

Commenting on his upcoming gig, ”I love watching the show. I’ve been watching it from the beginning,” Stern told the New York Post’s Page Six on Thursday night. “I think I’d be better than the Hoff, but who knows?”  Although many comparisons are already being made between former show judge David Hasslehoff and Stern, it’s actually Piers Morgan that Stern will be replacing.

No one quite knows what to expect from Stern on the variety show, but I believe it’s safe to say he’ll be on his best behavior.  Of, course that doesn’t mean he won’t employ his same outlandish style that has made him popular for over two decades.

“Listen, I’m not insane, if I were on a network television show, I wouldn’t curse. I’ve been on ‘David Letterman.’ I don’t go on and curse like a raving lunatic. You broadcast for whatever is appropriate.”, Stern told the New York Post.

Time will tell if this is a wise move by one of the more popular shows of summer broadcasting, but one certainly has to believe it will most certainly infuse the show with the much-needed punch the reality program has needed for the past two seasons.

Congratulations, Alec Baldwin.  You’re now only the second celebrity (the first being Madonna) to get a prestigious STFU post from The ThrowDown.  Now, while I’ve always pretty much determined Madonna was just an attention-grabbing slimeball, I’d thought that maybe, just maybe you’d have a shred of decency to shape your bullshit act up after all your epic missteps.  Wow, was I wrong.

As a father, I’d thought you’d have the sense to close your pie hole after millions heard the toxic tirade that you decided to unleash on your own daughter, and no I don’t care what she did to deserve it.  No child should ever have to suffer a verbal onslaught such as that from their father.  Now, personally, that solidified you as a top shelf asshole to me, and I would have been fine with you never being heard from again because of it.

Ah, but that’s never where jerks like you are satisfied, are you Allie?  So, lemme get this straight, after boarding an American Airlines flight with all the common rabble, you decide that a rousing game of Words with Friends should trump the pretty well-known safety procedures on an aircraft.  Then, after being warned several times by the flight staff, you slammed the lavatory door loud enough for the Captain to hear, and decided to lock yourself in to keep playing?  Apparently, this little act of defiance forced the plane to return to the gate and of course, screwed up all the lower class folk riding with you.

Ah, but the fun never stops with you, Allie.  You decided to have a little tirade via Twitter, and let me see if I’ve got this straight, saying of employees of American Airlines,”where Catholic school gym teachers from the 1950′s find jobs as flight attendants.”  Wow.

So, not only did you piss off an entire plane full of people, you decided to also offend teachers and Catholics in the process.  Funny, because I’m starting to think NBC is where actors such as yourself go to act like spoiled little assholes that have become disconnected with people who actually work for a living.  Honestly, you’re about one drink and a rant away from becoming Mel Gibson, without all the successful Mad Max and Lethal Weapon movies.

I’ll make it real simple for you.  This kind of boorish behavior may have flown back in the day, but times are much harder now.  Plenty of good people are out of work, life savings are gone and the light at the end of the tunnel seems to get further away daily.  Us plebs have to produce daily results to feed our families, including the staff that was on that plane.  They don’t get paid nearly enough to bow down to a jackass such as yourself, King Alec.  Go kiss someone at Rock Centers ass if you truly desire that treatment.

If it were up to me, and thank whatever Anti-Christ you worship that it isn’t, I’d have that nice,  juicy celebrity ”get out of jail free card” torn up right in front of you.  Time to grow up, get a real job and find out what hard work truly is.  I know a great drywalling company that is looking for an extra hand, contact me and we can get your resume over to him.  I’d hurry though, Miley Cyrus may beat you to the position.

As a man that’s worked very hard for many years, I would like to do the noble thing and apologize to American Airline employees, Catholics and teachers everywhere for Mr. Baldwin.  Don’t worry, he’s about one more tirade from having George W. Bush tell jokes about him.  Here’s hoping legislation will soon pass allowing flight attendants to taser jerks like this man in the face.

As for you, Baldwin, STFU.  I issue you a general challenge to debate me.  Anytime, anyplace.  I will absolutely eat your lunch, and feed the rest to Tina Fey. I’m not a teenager or someone that’s paid to put up with your crap, so expect a real ThrowDown.  And by the way, here’s a word for your next round of Words with Friends(you have them?)…TROGLODYTE.

*Update*  We attempted to issue this post to Mr. Baldwin via Twitter, but he has now deactivated his account.

ABC's Tales of the Gold Monkey aired from 1982-1983

Don’t let the title fool you, television you forgot about is a term I use loosely for those of us that are actually old enough to remember programming that wasn’t somehow connected to the Law and Order franchise.  I do understand that many readers of The ThrowDown are a younger variety and would have trouble remembering a show that was on more than likely well before they were born.

I enjoy a good flashback now and again, as I’m sure some of the middle-aged crowd does and for those that are indeed a bit younger, you may get some viewing inspiration that doesn’t have anything to do with the Kardashians.  You see, my readers, there was a time not long ago when the T.V. landscape was not dominated by the famous just for being famous and police shows that don’t concern themselves with real world fact.  Picture it, the year was 1982….

The smash hit Raiders of the Lost Ark still had a public reeling for excitement and adventure which the entertainment industry scrambled to oblige.  Programming on the small screen back then took a huge que from Hollywood’s big budget films, and if it was box office gold, you could bet the fall lineup would have something comparable.  Enter ABC’s Tales of the Gold Monkey.

You see, somewhere  back before actor Stephen Collins was the father 7th Heaven, and after actor Roddy McDowell starred in Planet of the Apes, ABC decided it was time for an action/adventure period piece, and delivered it spanning all the way from 1982 to 1983.  The cost of production back then was high for a television show, and ultimately it was cancelled because the ratings didn’t justify the costs.  Ah, but those 21 golden episodes.

The series revolved around a former Flying Tiger named Jake Cutter(Collins) and his sidekick dog, Jack, the one-eyed Jack Russell Terrier.  Pair this unlikely combo with fair-weather love interest Sarah White and drunk mechanic Corky while using the South Pacific fictional island of Bora Gora in 1938 as a backdrop.  Of course, every week would involve Cutter flying his plane to and from the island, while getting in crazy adventures like trying to locate a legendary eight-story solid gold monkey statue, hence the title.

A bit cheesy and awkward at times, the show wasn’t exactly on the level of some other well-known 1930′s swashbucklers, but it was entertaining for the time.  For what Tales of the Gold Monkey had to work with, it was far better than many other shows in that genre, which also had larger budgets.  But, television is a fickle bitch, and ABC gave the series the axe after one season.

The show was the product of legendary creator Donald Bellisario, who was also the man behind hits such as Magnum P.I, Airwolf and Quantum Leap.  Bellisario actually pitched Tales of the Gold Monkey in the late 1970′s, but was rejected due to the apprehension of airing a period piece.  When Raiders of the Lost Ark hit the big screen, the idea suddenly became much more appealing to the network.

I always had a place in my heart for this show, and was crushed as a kid to find out that sometimes television shows just don’t stay on indefinitely.  It’s probably best that it was cancelled, however.  My dreams of being a bush pilot in the South Seas dropped off somewhere shortly after, and I was spared a life of no money and malaria.  Ah well.  Here’s a look at the show’s intro, which makes me wince just a bit.  Always seems better when you were a youngster.  The entire series of Tales of the Gold Monkey,  is available on DVD.

*Update*  The video supplied here has been deactivated.  Rather than let people see the trailer of a nearly 30 year old TV show that lasted a season, some asshat in a suit decided that it violated their ownership rights.  So, rather than promote the video sales, I’ve chosen to leave it blank, as a badge of shame.  They can now go pay for their advertising since we’re so concerned with “intellectual property”.