“And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.” So said Hans Gruber in Die Hard. ‘Course, he was a bit of a lunatic, what with the whole stealing $640 million in bearer bonds from Nakatomi Plaza, but more importantly, its how we also feel, here at The Throwdown.
I crack up every time I see a cheap copy of The TD. It’s usually centered around three guys, blogging about garbage nobody cares about and the worst part is, it’s five-week old garbage. Then, as usual, the page folds up as quick as it was registered. Us? We’re expanding from not only the blog posts to video interviews, but working on a podcast to broaden our brand. We aren’t going away, closing up or quitting because some brat with MyFi thinks they can just copy us and beat us at our own game. Wrong.
We’ve been plagiarized, threatened, copied and hornswaggled. Hated and loved, we are the innovators, not the imitators. Yes, we are The Throwdown, and we’re kind of a big deal. So big, in fact, I think we’re ready for a shot at the title. Of course, I could only be speaking of the gold standard in webcasting/blogging/general misbehaving, iCarly.
Now, I know what folks are gonna say. They aren’t real. This is of little consequence to me and the boys. Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, guess what? It’s a damn duck. Sure, iCarly is the brain product of one Dan Schneider, who for those of you not in the know, is a.k.a. Dennis Blunden from the late eighties sitcom, Head of the Class. Sure, the three main stars on the show are just playing the parts of three young web stars, but we could care less. We take all comers on, real or fictitious.
In fact, I’ll give you folks @iCarly a little info about us. We don’t:
- have a team of cameramen, key grips and a producer to help us, we run everything. Why? Even we don’t know.
- have the luxury of things like writers. Or chairs, for that matter.
- get any money at all from our work. We feel our workmanship is so superior, all should be able to enjoy our site. Much like Facebook, without the billions of users.
Look, iCarly is a cute show, with cute little stars. Yet, I feel compelled to admit, when Big Angry first read this post in drafts, his initial response was “who the Hell is iCarly?” Apparently, to Angry, it’s all us, and we don’t need to duke it out with a teeny-bopper comedy.
Wanna know the key differences, or “tale of the tape” even? They do segments like random dancing, we have celebrity interviews where I ask television’s Erin Grey what’s wrong with Kenny Roger’s face. They have segments about shaving stuffed animals, we have posts titled “Dear Madonna, STFU.” They’re quirky, we’re snarky. It’s time to settle this once and for all.
Always good to have an “it ends here” moment on an episodic television show, even one that’s target audience is widely ranged for teens to pre-teens. Plus, Schneider has a tendency to hire adults that aren’t exactly camera friendly. We, at The Throwdown, are not movie stars, but we’re definitely more camera friendly than this guy:
And most certainly, this guy:
Come on, Dan Schneider. Give us a title shot. Having the group take on ficticious rival bloggers just doesn’t make for good television. Young v. Old. Fake v. Real. It’s a battle of epic proportions. I think you and your Hollywood types better take a closer look, and give the peeps what they want. Don’t make the same mistake the boxing world made with Lennox Lewis vs. Mike Tyson. Sure, it happened, but about five years too late. And just a bit of info, all the nieces, nephews, sons and daughters of us here are also in support of our iCarly heavyweight bout. And they’re all backing iCarly.
To us, second place means you lost the race. We’re The Throwdown, and we’re so fantastico, we can do an over 700 word post on a fight with a fictitious teen show. Then again, we’re pros.
I’m JB, saying bring it, iCarly. Or you can start referencing us on your show as Champeens of Da Woild, by default, o’ course. Or, you could just say, bock bock…chickens.